TWENTY  NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1..  My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
      He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4..  I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5..  Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6..  You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7.  Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8.. Earth is the  insane asylum for the universe.
9.. I'm not a complete idiot  -- Some parts are just missing.      

    15..  Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?  
16..  Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!  
17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I  Grew up.
18.. Procrastinate Now!
19.. I Have a Degree in  Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?     
20..  A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21..  A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance  
22..  Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23..They call  it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24..He who  dies with the most toys is nonetheless  DEAD.     
25..A  picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand  times the memory.
26..Ham  and eggs.A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a  pig.
27.. The trouble with life is there's no background  music.
28.. The original point and click interface was a  Smith & Wesson.
29.. I smile because I don't know what  the hell is going on.